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Who do you know that reeks of confidence? Everyone aspires to be more confident. Do you daydream of failure or success when approaching others, winning a job, a friend, or a significant other? If only we were more confident!
If you have low self-esteem or low confidence, you may hide away from social situations or avoid new challenges.
In the short term, avoiding difficult situations might make you feel safe. Over time, however, this backfires because it reinforces your underlying doubts and fears. You begin the unhelpful habit of coping by evading.
Living with low self-esteem can harm your mental health and lead to problems such as depression and anxiety.
Before you read on, please answer the most important question you could ask yourself:
Do you believe that you're stuck with your current amount of confidence, or can you develop more?
Carol Dweck gives us breakthrough studies on the power of having a growth mindset. If you believe your abilities are static, you're stuck. Thinking that you can grow and change is the first step to changing your current reality for a new and better one. Believing makes it so.
When you believe it's possible to increase your confidence, read on to learn how.
The four tips for growing your self-esteem, and intern your self-confidence, have been tested. To see results, it's crucial that you put these tips into action. If you try even one of these elements daily, your general sense of confidence will grow over time.
Note: After reading the list, you'll likely say, "Dah! Of course that works." The ideas are simple. Catching and correcting your limiting actions takes practice.
Developing Inner Conviction and Outer Fortitude
Four Tips for Growing Confidence
1. Focus on Effort and Intention
Comparison is the thief of joy. When you compare your results with others', you're likely to devalue yourself. School trains us for comparison with a bell-shaped curve. Sports ready us for comparison with unequal playing time.
But what if,
with a growth-mindset,
you compare your results only with your previous personal best.
Take the focus off of your results and place them on your efforts and intentions. As a sales manager, I observed over 100 employees develop their sales career. Those that focused on their efforts and intentions continued to grow. Often, they surprised themselves with greater results than they anticipated, and their self-esteem soared. Those that concentrated on results remained static or worse, they crashed, getting down on themselves for their mistakes.
Every time you remind yourself that your intentions are reasonable, you build your self-esteem regardless of the outcome. Focus on efforts and intentions.
2. Stop Caring, Start Caring
Not caring what others think or say about you is easier said than done. Here's a trick. Write down the 5-10 people whose opinions you care about. Put those names on your wall or bathroom mirror. Then, protect your heart from anyone that didn't make the list.
This doesn't mean that you become unteachable or untouchable by people off your list. Quite the opposite, you can receive a critique because you have an emotional boundary for the masses. You're simply not letting affect your esteem until you trust them. Only add people to your list if you trust they care for you.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”— Dr. Seuss
3. Compassion for Haters
Trolls. Haters. Bullies. How do you deal with them?
Our self-narrative makes a difference. Shawn Achor studies positive psychology at Harvard. His TED Talk is HILARIOUS, and it tells us that 10% of our external world predicts our happiness. We determine 90% of our long-term happiness by the way we process our world.
Gary Vaynerchuk has a unique perspective about haters. He has compassion for them, believing that they must be badly hurting if they take the time to spill their bad feelings on you. Having sympathy for your adversary helps you recognize that they are the source of their venom, not you. Maybe, you've done them and the world a service by letting them decompress on you.
"Way to go!" You tell yourself. Your bigger perspective is making the world a better place.
4. Act Confidently
Spread your arms in a V. Lift your chin. Eyes up. Walk with your hips forward and shoulders back.
The sheepish person is afraid of being hurt. They lower their head to protect it, slump their shoulders to guard their heart or protect their neck, hinge their hips in shame or reservation, and drag their feet because they lack urgency about their destination. Is this you?
You have nothing to hurt you and nothing to hide.
You have an exceptional value, and your uniqueness needs to be explored and shared.
Straighten up and let the world know!
Your actions predicate your mood. Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist who served at Harvard Business School, found evidence that our nonverbal actions govern how we think and feel about ourselves. Our bodies change our minds, and our minds change our behavior, and our behavior changes our outcomes. Acting with confidence begins a cycle. We act confidently, feel confident, have better results, believe in ourselves more, and once again act more confidently. It starts with action.
Anthony shares about these self-confidence boosters from his home office.
We hope this is helpful. We read the comments and want to know your thoughts.
The CSF's purpose is to support students interested in entrepreneurship education by providing mentors and scholarships. We share information about character development, helping students succeed in business and life.
Anthony Ripley is a blogger, the author of On Success, and founder of CREATE Clubs, student Entrepreneurship and Character Development Clubs, now launching in the United States and Europe. He lives in Round Rock, Texas, with his wife and two kids.
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